Why I love to Carry.

Yesterday I had a great day carrying. A day that reminded me why I started carrying in the first place.

My oldest one is now more toddler/little person than baby/toddler if you know what I mean. They haven’t asked to, or accepted an offer to be carried on my back for months and I thought that after all that time and the fact that they love to walk, my carrying days with them were done. So, after an extra strong coffee which had left me feeling particularly “Super Mum” ish, I decided I would attempt to take the baby, toddler and puppy all out for a walk, by myself, in-between rain showers.

It’s worth noting that the last time I attempted this “over achievement” was when we had all that snow and ice and the consequence was several crash landings on my bottom so my expectations were not overly high.

I had also packed the carrier for my toddler on the bottom of the pram by way of mitigating an “as far as we can possibly get from home” walking strike. About a mile from home my toddler decided that he’d had enough walking and to my surprise, accepted the offer to go on my back in the carrier. I dutifully obliged, stripping down to my T-shirt before scooping them on to my back and layering my cardigan back over the top of them to keep them warm (we are in the midst of a clothing strike and it’s all I could do to get a T-shirt on them, let alone anything with sleeves or a jumper). Another half mile into our walk and the “in-between” bit in the weather ended and the rain started again. This prompted an “I want to go under your coat please mummy” request and me looking like a cross between a pantomime horse and doing a tortoise impression…while getting soaked.

And that’s when, within literally a few feet, I felt it.

The shift in weight that you get as you can feel your Little surrendering to sleep; their limbs becoming heavy, head and body starting to weigh down on your back as they almost morph into you. A few steps further and their breathing changed, slowed, signalling sleep.

And that’s when I felt it, my heart sing in a way that I’ve only known since I became a parent and started carrying my babies. The reminder of a time when every “walk” became a “carry” and how before that, in the very early days, carrying helped me to bond with my first born and overcome the anxiety and unfamiliarity of first-time motherhood. And so, with my baby asleep in the pram and my first born asleep on my back, I walked, for 2 hours, in the pouring rain, just so I could feel the weight of my baby and remember the comfort that carrying brings us both and re-establish that connection that feels all too far away to me since they learnt the words “I want to walk mummy”.

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