Repeat after me..."this too will pass".
Have you ever had night terrors? You know, the ones where as the day draws to an end and the night approaches, you’re filled with dread about what’s to come? I have them on a daily basis at the minute.
Yesterday afternoon as I paced the pavements with my baby in its pram desperately attempting an afternoon nap (for them unfortunately, not me), the all too familiar feeling of anticipation of what’s come starts to wash over me.
I am so tired that all I can think about is sleep; my toddlers sleep, my babies sleep, me wanting to sleep and the fact that I know my partner will get to sleep (which, by the way, has the ability on occasion to conjure a wave of rage in me like nothing else can). These busy times of parenthood are exhausting, yet the thing we seem to be able to do the least is the thing we need to do the most…sleep.
That night, after getting myself ready for the night shift (known to some people as ‘going to bed’) in tears, I come downstairs to collect my littlest one from my partner. My partner, knowing all too well what's wrong, apologises for not being able to take a turn with feeding our youngest through the night, and for getting to go to sleep when I can’t, like he has an iota of control over the situation. Sure enough, almost as if my terror of the night approaching has invoked the sleeplessness in my Littles, by 11.30pm, both children are in my bed, sandwiching me so tightly that even the tiniest bit of air couldn’t come between us.
And as I lay here, in the dim glow of the night light, I breath in my beautiful children; the outdoor smell that clings to my wild toddlers’ messy locks and that stale, sweet, breastmilk smell of my littlest babe, and I feel so happy, and blessed, and grateful that I am surrounded by so much love.
I remind myself that it’s ok to feel drained and exhausted, drink too much coffee and have the TV on a little too much some days, and take way too many deep calming breaths and I am so so aware that one day, they won’t need me or want to be in my bed anymore, because one day this phase, like all the others, before and after it, will pass.
Love Jo xo
We love writing about our experiences as parents and hope it encourages you - read here to learn about when Jess experienced similar: https://www.closeandcalm.co.uk/post/seasons-of-life-you-re-doing-a-great-job, https://www.closeandcalm.co.uk/post/loneliness or browse our blog to peruse our musings on life.