To shame or not to shame? Should that even be a question?
This week I asked the question "What blog post would you like to see?" And this was the topic.
We humans are in this world together. It is my responsibility and my choice to speak kindly to people, to encourage them, to breathe life into their days and spread some love everywhere I go.
Sometimes I totally disagree with other people's actions, decisions, or thoughts - and that's fine, that's healthy and shows the variety of people that exist in this world, but what is not ok is making people feel condemned or ashamed.
I have a really good friend who I disagree with on some aspects of parenting. I know (through conversations, not judgements) that there are some things I do that she'd do differently and vice versa, and what could make it 'worse' for me is the fact that her kids are now well behaved, well adapted grown ups who I'd be proud to have as my own. She could tell me I'm wrong, I'm bringing up my kids the wrong way, but you know what she doesn't. She tells me I'm a great mum. She tells to keep on doing what I'm doing. I have no fear asking her help when I'm struggling, as there is no judgement in her. Just love and wisdom.
And that's how we should all be.
Make a decision today to encourage the parents you see.
Even as I chose this picture of our boys smiling, I remember learning from another friend that the car seat here was too big for him, and pretty dangerous too as his bulky jacket prevented me from securing him properly, but thankfully she told me with a gentle smile and a 'are you happy with his car seat' rather than being judged, and answered my numerous questions and so I actually changed my practice, but instead of feeling bad about it, felt great that I'd learnt something new and safer.
You know when this topic was raised it really upset me, because of who it was raised by:
"MUM SHAMING!! I’m not a mumma yet, but I want to know that I can bottle feed, wear my baby/not wear my baby, work etc without the fear of being judged by other mums. That I can be a good parent to my baby without being “textbook” because all babies have slightly different needs and personalities. ❤️ (Mum shaming scares me a little)."
I'm not a mum yet, but I'm already scared of the parenthood culture I see.
And that bothered me.
It bothered me that someone who hasn't even had a baby yet has already seen / heard enough parent shaming to be scared of it before they've even become a mum.
Enough is enough! One time is too many. I loved Kristina Kuzmic's Tutorial on how to not to mum shame this week - I guess it unfortunately must be a current topic.
Let's decide today to encourage each other, build each other up and create the community we crave.
You can join our supportive and non shaming community chatter group here: Close and Calm Community